One of the most common questions from moms is “How do I get my Husband more involved with the Baby?” Well, this week, we have Jason Kreidman from Dad University on the podcast to give us the perspective from a Dad’s point of view. I have summarized the most important talking points, but you can tune in HERE for some more great tips on getting dad more involved!
To learn more about Dad University, you can check out their website here: https://www.daduniversity.com/
1) Balance time between Dad and Baby.
- This is so important. A great way to achieve this is setting aside some time for date nights. Some parents cannot afford a sitter and if you don’t have family nearby this can seem hard. I think it is just as important to spend quality time together – even if it is after bedtime. Watch a movie, cuddle on the couch, make a nice late-night dinner or enjoy dessert. It doesn’t even have to be at night. Sometimes the only thing I want to do is curl up in bed and go to sleep after a long day. You can also plan a brunch; the point is to just enjoy some one-on-one time with your spouse.
2) Show Appreciation
- I feel like this is hard for most moms because for us, it can be hard to praise someone for something that we do every day. However, this mentality takes nice gestures for granite and it’s important for us to realize that our S.O. is trying – and that’s what’s important. It’s great to take this a step further, and just try to have a positive outlook on life in general, and it will make us happier moms altogether.
3) Toss the “My way or the Highway” mentality
- I am particularly terrible at this. In our house there IS a wrong way to load the dishwasher, there is a wrong way to fold towels, and there is a wrong way to change a diaper (I have a pee-stained curtain in my house that backs this theory up). However, this mentality of doing things “wrong” can be extremely discouraging for anybody, and it’s no wonder men stop offering to help. I understand and I know that I need to change my views. Just start by asking for help by saying “Can you load the dishwasher? You can do it however you think is best.”
4) Do family activities.
- Make sure dad gets to participate and feel like it’s one unit, not you and the baby verses him. Sometimes moms can join in on so many fun activities without the dad. This is especially true for stay at home moms. It’s not that we, as moms, want to exclude our husbands from any activities, we are just trying to keep our children entertained and get a few extra minutes to ourselves while they play at the park. However, it can make our husbands feel like they are being left out on some fun activities. It’s important to plan out a time to go and enjoy fun activities as a family.
5) Divide the labor.
- Make sure to write the tasks down and give dad specific tasks where he can spend time with the Baby. This has worked in our household. My husband does bath time and feeds our son solids before bed. It gives me a chance to clean up from dinner and prep bottles for the next day, which is nice. This also gives dad some time to bond with the Baby and enjoy a little quality time.
6) Ask for help
- I’ve gotten better at this. Sometimes when it’s not a big deal (can you take the trash out) he can drag his feet a bit. But when it’s something that I desperately need help with like “can you take the baby, I need a few minutes to myself” or “I need to take a shower, alone” he is so quick to jump up and help.
- I think a lot of moms have issues with asking for help for two reasons.
- They feel like they aren’t doing a good enough job if they can’t manage all 7 million household chores by themselves which is simply not true. Nobody is expected to do EVERYTHING by themselves. You are allowed to ask for help, and you should!
- They don’t like to use the phrase “Can you help out” because that implies that we are asking them to help me with OUR responsibilities when these responsibilities are joint. In this case, we can try to rephrase to “would you like to bathe the baby or prep the bottles.” This way, our husbands feel like they are being given a choice instead of a demand, and we are not assigning extra chores to our own honey-do list.
7) Trust your Significant other and allow him to spend time with Baby.
- This is so important. My biggest issue with this isn’t that I don’t trust my husband with our son. The issue I have is that I spend 9+ hours a day away from my baby while I’m at work and I literally don’t want to lose out on any time with him. However, taking time to yourself is not only healthy for your mental health, but it’s a great opportunity for dad to bond with their child.
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